Sugarcane

running some kind of news show\n\nthe anchor is talking but the tv is muted\n\nall you can see is the ticker along the bottom [[11 HUMANS KILLED TODAY IN HUMAN SHOOTING HUMANS WIN HUMAN SERIES HUMANS HUMANS HUMAN|no]]

grab a glass\n\nfill it up\n\n<<insert "drink">>\n\nyou feel better\n\n[[sit down at your computer|computer]]<<endinsert>>

you're imagining things. or losing your memory.\n\nsomething's not real here and you're not sure if it's you or the world and either is scary\n\ngotta [[go see the outside world|go outside]]. get a hold on things. try to make reality make sense again

cars buzzing by 30 stories below, too small to see their drivers\n\nyou don't know what you expected really\n\n[[go back to the computer]]\n\n[[go outside]]\n\n[[go back to bed]]

<<set $counter = 1>>you are in the [[library|descrip]].\n\nstretching off into the distance, in all directions, are the [[stacks]]\n\nthere are many [[directions]] you can go though you have visited them all before

''inde(s)cent:'' //i didn't take any drugs i swear//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //i just wanna know what this whole human thing is about//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //jar//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //are you still there//\n\n''//[[analogus has signed off.|signed off]]//''

<<display "TrueStart">>

you wake up, [[panting|desert]]. loud and lungful.\n\n

instant messenger showing your list of friends but something's odd\n\nall their profile pictures are [[different]]\n\nyour friend Jarita is online she's pinging you what do you do\n\n[[talk]]\n\n[[need a moment]]

around and around and around the circumference of the pool, the words [[FULL HUMANIZATION WILL BE ENFORCED ON THOSE PASSING BEYOND THIS POINT|humanization]]

no, that's one's not right\n\nbut you can hear it, <<insert "coming from the blurs beside you">>\n\n"...thinks she's not human..."\n\n"HAHAHAHAHAHA"\n\n"AHAHAHAHAHAHA"\n\n[[the noise grates]]<<endinsert>>

''inde(s)cent:'' //i was afraid you'd say that//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //yeah//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //its probably not a big deal i just woke up from a couple really shitty dreams, you know those ones where you wake up in the dream and then you realise you're still dreaming//\n\n''analogus:'' //D://\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //and its just that i dont remember everyone's userpics being of humans before//\n\n''analogus:'' //haha//\n\n''analogus:'' //what else would they be of//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //i mean tell me i'm not imagining that they were all different before//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //what do you mean, what else?//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //they'd be of, like//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //your faces//\n\n''analogus:'' //[[they are of our faces]]//

they're all human\n\nwithout the different species to distinguish them they look oddly uniform, a flat sea of black-pink-brown-black\n\n[[<<back|computer]]

END\n\n\n''staring at a single face forever''\na game made in Twine\nby [[Spanglypants|http://spanglypants-mcfuckyou.tumblr.com]]

[[wake up|end]]

Jarita is pinging you like\n\n''analogus:'' //hey//\n\n''analogus:'' //whats up//\n\n''analogus:'' //are you even there//\n\n[[talk]]\n\n[[look out of window]]\n\n[[go outside]]\n\n[[go back to bed]]

beating head on the wall over and over until you hear your circuits sing, until you feelseebreathe the diagnostic surge the metalblood in your airways telling you it was [[just a dream]]

eyes flutter head pounds\n\nyou start to pull together things in your environment that make sense of that one word //hospital//\n\n<<insert "light overhead">>\n\n<<insert "bed under you">>\n\n<<insert "sterile smell">>\n\n<<insert "machines beeping">>\n\n[[people laughing]]<<endinsert>><<endinsert>><<endinsert>><<endinsert>>

identity erasure\nself-harm\nfalse wakings\n\n[[<<back|TrueStart]]

you open the book.\n\nit crumbles to dust in your hands.\n\n[[keep walking|walk]]

you head for the door, crumpled clothes and all\n\nthis is intimidating\n\nit shouldn't be intimidating\n\na feeling like claustrophobia building up on you but it's a resistance to opening that door and looking out into the world and seeing only humans only humans\n\n[[maybe try something smaller here]]

immense, echoing, smelling of must, it is all you've ever known.\n\nyou were born here. you've never encountered anything that resembled a passage to the outside.\n\nas far as you can tell, the library is infinite.\n\n[[<<back|library]]

you wake up with a start, disoriented\n\ndesert scenes still floating through your head\n\nyou're so [[thirsty]]

a {color: #A68531!important;font-size:110%!important;}\n\na:hover {color:#D2B364 !important;text-decoration:none !important;font-size:110%!important;}\n\n#passages{font-size:20px; font-family:'Open Sans',Arial,sans-serif;\nborder-left: 0px !important; margin:200px 0px 0px 200px !important;}\n\nbody {background-color:black !important;font-size:120%!important;}\n\n.passage{color:#D2BB81;background-color:black !important;font-size:120%!important;;line-height:30px!important;}\n\n.replacement.replacement-in {\n opacity: 0;\n}\n.replacement {\n transition: 1s;\n -webkit-transition: 1s;\n}\n\n#sidebar #credits:hover{color:#333;visibility:hidden;}#sidebar #credits a{text-decoration:none;visibility:hidden;}\n\n#sidebar {visibility:hidden!important;}\n\n#footer{display:none!important;}\n\n#toolbar{display:none!important;}

you walk for hours, feeling the sun suck up every ounce of moisture from your pores.\n\nyou must [[find water.|desert2]]

the barrier transfigures those who pass through it\n\nto drink the water you must give up your identity, your species, become human\n\nbut you must [[drink]] or [[die|wake up]]

you lean towards the barrier, feeling its tingling hum inches from your face\n\noh god\n\n[[oh god|wake up]]

you walk past shelf upon shelf of books with titles all a variation on a theme\n\n"the human condition"\n"what does it mean to be human"\n"what is it to be human"\n\n[[pick up a book|book]]\n\n[[keep walking|walk]]

the ground shimmers. <<insert "oasis or mirage?">>\n\nno time to debate it in your mind, you half-crawl half-stumble to it over shifting sands and you're about to thrust your head straight into the water <<insert "when">> you notice the holobarrier surrounding it, only perceptible from certain angles.\n\nyou pull back, squint at it. it is made of [[tiny little words]], hovering in mid-air.<<endinsert>><<endinsert>>

what about a mirror\n\nyeah as far as looks go you're not too different from human yourself but the eyes should at least give it away\n\nyou pick up the mirror hoping to see zeroes\n\n[[you don't want to do this]]

you get up from the computer\n\ngo to the window\n\n<<insert "breathe">>\n\nthis is fucked up\n\nyou're dreaming again\n\n<<replace "pinch arm">>pinching doesn't help<<endreplace>> | <<replace "slap face">>slapping doesn't help<<endreplace>> | [[look out of window]]<<endinsert>>

shit.\n\nyou don't understand.\n\nyou don't understand any of this and you don't wanna [[go outside]] and see what kind of world you're in but you can't [[just sit here thinking about it]] either

<<set $myVar = 1>><<picknumber $myVar 1 10>><<if $myVar eq 1>><<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 2>>happiness seems distant\n\n<<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 3>><<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 4>>a bird flits by, then again, repeating itself in an endless loop\n\n<<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 5>>you think you come to an exit but it's actually just a slightly differently coloured patch of shelving, taunting you\n\n<<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 6>>for a moment everything pixellates\n\n<<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 7>>dust motes glitter\n\n<<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 8>>children laugh, very far away\n\n<<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 9>><<display "nothingtext">><<else>><<if $myVar eq 10>><<display "nothingtext">>your limbs feel weary<<else>> <<endif>><<endif>><<endif>> <<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>

trapped in a maze of empty literature, the titles all alike\n\n[[pick up a book|book2]]\n\n[[keep walking|walk]]

[[wake up|hospital]]

you feel your damp collar, smell your sweat in the air.\n\nthis is no place to be getting lost in nightmares. this is the desert, and every drop of fear and panic costs you in a currency more precious than blood.\n\nit's already late morning. the sun will soon be at its zenith.\n\n[[move.]]

no really, you can't, you're gonna have a panic attack\n\n[[go outside]]

day melts into evening, bringing with it some refreshment but also awareness of the encroaching night, cold like pincers and able to snap.\n\nyou feel chilled but bone-dry. your legs quaver beneath you. you don't hold out much hope of finding water <<insert "before you">>\n\nwait\n\n[[what's that in the distance|oasis]]<<endinsert>>

gotta be a dream\n\njust lie in bed and close your eyes\n\n<<insert "going to sleep in a dream always makes you wake up">>\n\nyou can't fall asleep\n\nfuck this shit\n\n[[go back to the computer]]\n\n[[go outside]]<<endinsert>>

you want to yell //shut up// but your mouth feels like cotton\n\nnothing to do but lie here while the nurses laugh at you\n\nat least you can swivel your eyes around\n\n[[there's a tv]]

''inde(s)cent:'' //no//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //that's not your face//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //your face isn't human//\n\n''analogus:'' //wtf//\n\n''analogus:'' //am i supposed to be offended by that or something//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //uh, no?//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //it wasn't meant to be offensive...//\n\n''analogus:'' //sure sounded like it//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //listen, i don't understand//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //something weird's going on//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //you're not human. i'm not human. none of our friends are human. so what's with all the human faces.//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //is this like some mass transspecies thing happened to all my friends or something cause i mean i'm not judging i just wanna know what the shit is going on//\n\n''analogus:'' //transspecies?//\n\n''analogus:'' //[[man, you took the good drugs]]//

''inde(s)cent:'' //never mind//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //its nothing//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //look i'll get back to you about going out okay//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //gonna go take a walk//\n\n''//[[You have signed off.|signed off 2]]//''

<<set $counter = $counter + 1>><<if $counter lte 2>>you open the book.\n\nthe words WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE HUMAN printed over and over and over and over\n\nyou throw the book to the floor\n\n[[keep walking|walk]]<<else>><<if $counter eq 3>>\nyou open the book.\n\nthe letter W, reprinted endlessly\n\n[[keep walking|walk]]<<else>><<if $counter eq 4>>you open the book.\n\nnothing but the letter H\n\n[[keep walking|walk]]<<else>><<if $counter gte 5>>you open the book.\n\npages filled with the letter A, some overlapping the others as if printed hastily, desperately\n\n[[you scream]]<<else>> <<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>

[[read content warnings|content]] (slightly spoilery)\n\n[[start|library]]

it's a dream, a dream, a dream, the alien human eyes come crashing out of the mirror towards your sense of awareness and you can't breathe thinking THIS IS NOT ME\n\nsomething to smash\n\n<<replace "mirror">>hurl the mirror against the wall, the illusion rains down as powdered glass<<endreplace>>\n\n<<replace "lamp">>shards of xenon tube glowing in the halflight, razorthin redblood slashes on your fingers<<endreplace>>\n\n<<replace "computer">>no don't smash computer she was a dear friend<<endreplace>>\n\n[[self]]

<<insert "breaking signal shattered illusion dead breathing light">>\n\nover your head\n\nthe breathing [[hospital|hospital2]] light<<endinsert>>

shelving unit upon shelving unit, ten stories high, groaning with books\n\n[[<<back|library]]

<<set $talk = 1>>''inde(s)cent:'' //i'm here//\n\n''analogus:'' //hey so whats the deal, are we doing the thing today or not//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //not sure yet//\n\n''inde(s)cent:'' //so what's with the whole mass userpic change thing? something going on i didn't hear about?//\n\n''analogus:'' //what userpic change thing?//\n\n[[> never mind]]\n\n[[> i was afraid you'd say that]]