it's not about the times, several times, he put himself between me and an onslaught of military [[deathmachines]]\n\nthat's noble, but it's not enough for me to love a guy\n\ni don't need to be [[protected]]\n\nit's not about the looks\n\nyeah, i can be shallow, same as the next person. just because i'm an android doesn't make me incapable of lust. but it's not-- i wouldn't stay with someone fifteen years over that\n\nit's not about how he got me [[pregnant]]

and here's where it gets difficult\n\nbecause i think i might have found someone who'll do that with me\n\n[[someone else]].\n\nbut do i [[stay|choice]] or do i [[go|choice]]?

i want to see life, i want to blister with it\n\n[[i want to burn myself up]]\n\nand i don't think he understands

[[(or else you're not good enough, real enough, true enough to exist)|made to be]]

in a world where my existence is [[illegal]]

and here's the thing\n\ni'm sitting here, telling you this story. remembering. remembering it all.\n\nthere are so many reasons to [[love]] him

oh hey if you want background music load up [[this song|http://soundcloud.com/nickraymondg/the-postal-service-such-great]] while you play\n\n[[start|fifteen years]]

i don't wanna die old with nothing to show for it, years ticked off on the clock, family duties fulfilled, but no [[spark]]

six feet something to my five feet. i never got the exact number.\n\nbuilt like a wall. the way i like them. skin like martian soil at sunset, rough and earthy-smelling. chicagoan accent that slaps you in the face like a black coffee. \n\nmost earthians work to cultivate that generic, tv-american accent these days. don't wanna sound like hicks. but chicagoans got it proud. second biggest city on the mothership, as they'll never stop reminding you.\n\ncybernetic arm, leg, and partial torso. the parts i like best.\n\n[[<<back|official]]

[[i'm just]]

i want to be the one being taken for a wild ride\n\ni wanna be dragged up to the top of a building we're not supposed to be climbing and exhorted, "[[look at the stars]]"

wants me to play it safe\n\nwe've got a home now, we're settled\n\ndon't do [[anything rash]]

(not that i, myself, am not a deathmachine)\n\n[[<<back|love]]

[[and you're right|need]]

and for fifteen years, that was [[enough]]

[[(and yeah, that sucks.)|legal2]]

but you really [[can't]]\n\n(not even the future is that amazing)

don't feel like this was futile or anything\n\ni mean, i really appreciate that you [[read my story]].

and in some ways it still is.\n\ni still feel myself gravitating towards [[that space]] he made in his world for me

just once, i want someone to be there on that edge\n\n[[with me]]

[[i dated a man for fifteen years.|dated]]

do androids dream the body electric

technically a bioroid, advanced humanoid construct with comparable artificial intelligence to //homo sapiens//\n\nvat-grown skin, mix of flesh and metal organs, skeleton like a steel roll-cage\n\ndesigned for combat\n\ni can bench press a car\n\n[[<<back|official]]

(but it's nothing, really, compared to not being quite legal [[yourself]].)

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[[my life]]

in a world where few people will even grant that i'm [[alive]] at all

let me make this clear:\n\nit's //hard// to be an android in love with a human.\n\nthey've been around humans all their life, known them, loved them\n\nthey expect you to be [[just like them]]

and i know what you're going to say:\n\n[[that's bigoted|and you're right]]|[[he's just trying to protect me|and you're right]]

and it would be nice if you could solve my problems with a [[click]]

no...\n\ni know you can't make that choice for me.\n\nsee, i've tricked you in a way. this isn't really a game.\n\nthis is just\n\n[[something i'm going through]]

i do. really.\n\ni mean, it's not like i can tell most people about this.\n\nso,\n\n[[thank you.]]

doesn't like it when i get too into my "[[weird android things]]"

<<set $wrong = true>>he was bigoted at first. had the same issues most of the earth-types do\n\n"androids are just cheap knock-offs of humans, blah blah yada"\n\nhe got over it fast\n\nor i should say\n\nhe thought he did\n\n[[serious bigotry takes a while to unlearn|but anyway]]

<html><img src="http://mars.hitori.org/twine/images/nebula.jpg" width="1024"></html>\n\n[[yeah, fucking stars]]

but sometimes i worry it isn't [[big enough]]

i was designed to want kids want marriage to be sexually attracted to a certain phenotype of male human and you know i still feel torn about that\n\nlike it's my sexuality but at the same time how much of it can really be me when it's programmed in but then how much does it matter aren't we all programmed androids and humans too\n\nbut shouldn't i fight that programming\n\nbut why\n\nwhat's wrong with it\n\nnothing wrong with being attracted to men\n\nit just\n\ngrates sometimes\n\n[[and i wonder what else i could be if i wasn't limited]]

i'm lucky to be alive and i wanna fucking [[celebrate it]]

and i was made to be\n\nbut what you're made to be\n\nand what you are\n\nare not always [[the same thing]]

''fictive'' //(n.)//\n\n''thinking person's definition''\n\nbasically someone in a multiple system (also known as dissociative identity disorder, multiple personalities, and plurality: see [[this link|http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/]] for more) who embodies the persona of a fictional character\n\n''internet's definition''\n\n"URRRRRG THOSE PEOPLE CRAZY"\n\n[[<<back|read my story]]\n\n

<<if $wrong eq true>>it's about character. the character of a man who's willing to admit it when he's wrong\n\nthe character of a man who'll put his faith in an individual over what the higher-ups tell him to do\n\nthe character of a man who stands up for [[life]]<<else>>it's about character. the character of a man who's willing to admit it when he's [[wrong]]\n\nthe character of a man who'll put his faith in an individual over what the higher-ups tell him to do\n\nthe character of a man who stands up for [[life]]<<endif>>

i was designed to want a human life\n\na normal life\n\nme the wife, with the [[kids]]\n\n\n

[[i already told you how that worked out]]

yeah, i said pregnant\n\nwe machines of the future can do that too\n\ni don't talk about it too much. she's fourteen now and i still don't know how to feel about having a human child.\n\n[[but anyway]]

but i'm always the weird one\n\nthe impulsive one\n\nliving life on the [[edge]]

i'm an [[android]] and he's a [[human]]\n\nso that kind of thing is not quite [[legal]]

END

//i've killed people you things wouldn't believe//\n\n[[<<back|love]]

i guess "dated" isn't the word, after so long a time\n\nbut it's not like we could ever be married, anything like [[official]]

Spanglypants

i'm made to live like i'm not going to [[live forever]]

by virtue of being an intelligent lifeform\n\ni am aware beyond the limits of my programming\n\ni wrestle with them\n\ni question the meant-to-be-unswervable tenets that were [[lodged within me]]

i was built for compassion and built for combat\n\ntwo conflicting traits. that's why i ended up a cop. one of the few professions that allows you to exercise both\n\nnow i'm "retired" from the force, kicked out for being a robot in human's clothing is the real story, i get a lot of compassion\n\nbut there's nowhere for that [[energy]] to go

and the worst thing is\n\ni think maybe i plucked him out of his reality\n\nsummoned him by the sheer force of wanting\n\nand from that there is no going [[back|yeah, fucking stars]]

and i realise i don't just want to live [[a human life]]